I'll Be Home for Christmas
by SelfProclaimedFangirlKate
Summary: Regina returns to Storybrooke a few days before Christmas to attend her father's funeral after his unexpected passing. She knew this would force her to see Emma again, but she's still utterly unprepared to deal with all the emotional baggage and guilt-ridden feelings that it brings up. An angsty Christmas SQ oneshot with a happy ending (if you look past Henry Sr.'s death). COMPLETE


**A/N: **Well, I managed to fight through the mono to get this finished in time for Christmas (barely). This is an idea that came to me about a month ago and I couldn't shake, so here it is. It takes place in present day but there is a series of flashbacks, so I've included dates and line breaks to offset present day from the flashbacks. The flashbacks are also using italicized dates (vs. underlined for present day). I hope will help with the clarity (since FFnet's interface isn't that user-friendly in that regard). I apologize for any proofreading issues, as I'm sleeping about 14 hours a day right now and am barely awake enough to type when I'm not sleeping.

I hope you enjoy!

* * *

**December 22, 2019**

She looks down at her hands, nervously cracking her knuckles as she stands on the front porch, waiting for the door to open and reality to hit her. She swallows as her right index finger grazes over her left hand, the ring that was once a staple fixture now notably absent.

When the door opens, her breath leaves her body, seeing the woman she knew she couldn't avoid, but is not expecting nor ready to see just yet, standing in the entryway of her parents' house.

"Emma."

Sad green eyes look back at her, as if they've seen a ghost. Apparently she, too, was not yet ready for this reunion. "Hey."

* * *

**_August 2006_**

Regina holds back her own tears, letting Emma cry unabashedly into her shoulder. She can feel the blonde's tears soaking through her tank top, a few stray teardrops running down her bare arms as the girl chokes on her sobs.

"Hey," Regina says as they stand in the middle of her driveway, the packed Mercedes SUV in the garage and ready to go. "You'll be in Boston before you know it. You have two years of high school left and then you can come to BU, or BC, or Emerson just like we always planned."

Emma pulls back from their embrace, shaking her head as she sniffs. "You're going to meet new people and forget about me, Regina, let's be serious," she says through her tears. "You're going off to Harvard and are going to be in a whole 'nother world."

Regina emphatically shakes her head, interrupting the other teen. "Emma Swan, don't be an idiot," she chastises, before turning serious again. "I could never forget about you, Em. You know that. I'll be back in a few months for fall break, and I'll tell you all about Boston, and you can catch me up on everything I've missed in Storybrooke. And maybe your mom will let you come up and visit me for a weekend sometime. I can show you around."

"I love you, Regina. I'm going to miss you so much. You're my best friend. I don't know what I'm going to do without you here."

"I love you, too, Em, but you'll be fine," she says, pulling away from her best friend of 16 years and running to the trunk of the SUV. She grabs something from the tote bag she stuffed in the back. "Here," she says, handing the blonde her Storybrooke High School Lacrosse hoodie, the one with 'Mills' emblazoned across the back, that Emma always steals whenever she has the chance. "Keep it."

**_October 2007_**

"Regina, are you coming to dinner?" Kathryn, her roommate asks. The two had met their freshman year, living across the hall from one another in the dorm and deciding room together their sophomore year.

"I'll be down in a few," she answers, her ballpoint pen dangling from between her teeth as she highlights a passage in her political science textbook for her first constitutional history exam next week. She pushes the highlighter aside and grabs the pen from her lips, jotting down a note in the margin. "I have a few pages left to get through."

"Always the overachiever," her roommate laughs, closing their dorm room door behind her.

Regina ignores the comment as she focuses on her work, only to be interrupted by her phone ringing. She ignores that, too, letting it go to voicemail. When it rings again a moment later, she looks up and reaches over to where the Razr lays on her bed, concerned when she sees her mother's phone number on the front of the phone. Her mother never calls during the week, not wanting to interrupt her daughter's studying.

"Mom?"

"Regina, you need to come home," her mother's voice is frantic.

"What? What's going on?"

"There's been an accident. Your father is on his way to get you."

"What?" Regina asks again.

"It's the Swans," Cora Mills' ordinarily stoic voice breaks on the other end of the line. "There was a car accident."

Regina's heart shatters. "Oh my God. Emma….?"

"Emma was in the car, and she's in rough shape, but she made it. But her mom and David—"

"Oh, God," Regina cries, as the reality hits her that her best friend just lost her mom and stepfather. It's so unfair.

"Pack up your things and plan to stay for at least a week. You have a few hours until your dad will be there, so email your professors and advisor and do whatever you need to do. Emma's going to need all of us, but especially you."

**_January 2010_**

"Regina, I screwed up," the blonde says as soon as she opens the door to her apartment for Regina, forgoing any greeting. Instead, she walks down the hall and begins pacing up, the old wood floors creaking under her feet.

"What are you talking about, Emma?" she asks as she follows Emma inside the small apartment. It's then that she looks down and sees what's in Emma's hand. "Oh God, Em."

"What am I going to do?" She looks at Regina with such desperation that it's like a punch to her stomach.

She doesn't know what to say, so she takes her friend's hand and pulls her into the living room, sitting her down on the sofa. "Do you know how far along you are?"

Emma nods her head. "Yeah. I've only had sex once in the last few months, so it's been like six, maybe seven weeks?"

"Okay," Regina nods, realizing she is so far out of her element. She had dealt with Kathryn's pregnancy scare once her senior year of college, but that turned out to be nothing more than a random missed period. This was real. "And the guy…?"

Emma shakes her head. "A one night stand. I was drunk, and stupid. I don't even know his last name. He doesn't go here," she says, her panic turning into emotional exhaustion as she starts to cry. "Fuck, I'm such a screw up."

"No, you're not," Regina is quick to reassure her. "It happens."

"It shouldn't've. I should have known better."

"Oh, Em," Regina says.

"God, what am I going to say to your parents? They're going to be so disappointed in me…after everything they've done to make sure that I graduated on time and taking me in after my parents died," Emma rambles.

"Shhhh," Regina tries to soothe her friend's rapid descent into a spiral of self-loathing. "My parents love you, Emma. Don't worry about them," she reassures, though she's not totally convinced that her parents won't have a conniption when they find out. She's gotten the 'I better not be a grandmother any time soon, Regina' lecture from her mother far too many times. Emma may not be their daughter, but she's always been like family nonetheless.

"Regina, what am I going to do? I'm 20. I can't have a kid."

"Whatever you decide, I'll be here for you. If you decide to terminate, I'll drive you there and stay with you during the procedure. If you decide to go through with it, then I'll go get you ice cream and pickles at 2am."

"That sounds disgusting," Emma wrinkles her nose and turns a bit more pale.

Regina laughs. "It really does. But regardless, just let me know what you need from me. You're not alone in this, Emma."

* * *

**December 22, 2019**

The two women continue to stare at one another from either side of the doorway, silence lingering in the air until Emma breaks it. "The cold air is coming in, so…."

"Right," Regina nods, stepping across the threshold to her childhood home, though it no longer feels like hers. She hears Emma close the door behind her and lets the warmth of the house surround her as she removes her coat.

"I'll let your mom know you're here," Emma says as a way to excuse herself, disappearing down the hall toward the kitchen.

She moves to the entry closet to hang up her coat, grabbing a free hanger and wrapping her coat around it. As she puts it back on the hanging rod, her hand unconsciously grazes the long, wool overcoat that her father always favored in this weather, causing a sob to erupt from her chest without her permission.

"Regina," she hears behind her, straightening up for only a moment before Cora rushes over, wrapping her in her arms.

"Mom," she cries into the older woman's shoulder. "I'm so sorry," she says, though for which transgression, she isn't sure. The list of overdue apologies is far too long.

"I know, baby girl," Cora whispers, the nickname somewhat stale from lack of use — she hasn't heard her mother call her that since she was 10 — but it's comforting.

After allowing her mother to console her for a few moments, she pulls herself back to look the woman in the eye. It's been three years since she's seen her in person, and the lines around her eyes are a bit deeper than they were the last time she was here. She also looks smaller, somehow. "Mom," she says, choking back her tears and willing her own eyes to dry. "How are you holding up?" It's the dumbest question she could possibly ask, but they were the only words she could formulate, and it stops her from asking about Emma's presence, which she is not ready to deal with just yet.

"I'm okay," the woman says, always the stoic.

"Is Zelena here yet?" Regina asks.

"She got in this morning. She and Chad are at the parlor taking care of some things and then stopping by Granny's to pick up dinner for us. They should be back soon."

Regina bites her lip to stop herself from crying again and nods. "Oh, okay."

"Come on. Let's get you some tea to warm you up. I know you had a long drive."

* * *

**_May 2011 _**

"Mom, Dad…what are you doing here?" Regina asks as she stands at the front door to her condo, bewildered by her parents' unannounced arrival.

"Well, your father had business in the city, so we thought we would surprise you. I know you just finished exams, so I thought we could take you out to celebrate finishing your second year of law school."

"Oh, um, it's not really a great time…"

"What, are you hiding a boy in your bedroom?" Henry jokes as he walks inside and takes off his jacket. "If so, we'd love to meet him."

"No, it's not that…" she sighs, closing the front door as her parents make themselves at home — technically, it is their home, after all, as they bought it for her after they knew she would graduate early from college and she had learned she had been accepted into Harvard's law school. As her parents take a seat on the sofa, Regina quickly takes out her phone from her back pocket and sends a quick text reading _'my parents are here' _to Emma, praying that the younger woman sees it.

"Don't worry, dear, we won't disrupt your life. We have a hotel downtown. But, we really would like to take you to dinner," Cora says.

"Um, sure. Let me go get changed quickly and we can go."

"Honey, it's 3:30. I know we're old, but we're not that old that we eat dinner this early," Henry laughs. "We figured you could catch us up first. Or if you're busy, we can just watch TV and stay out of your way until a more normal dinner hour."

"Oh, um, sure."

"Are you feeling okay?" Henry asks concerned, just as Cora excuses herself to run to the bathroom, as '_it was a long cab ride here'_.

"I'm fine. Just kind of flustered that you guys literally showed up out of nowhere."

"I see. Well, what's new in your life? Have you received your final grades yet?"

She shakes her head. "Not officially, but I was doing well in all my classes, so I'm not concerned."

"Well, that's wonderful. We're so proud of you, Regina."

"Thanks, Dad," she smiles softly.

"Regina, dear," Cora says as she walks back into the room.

"Yeah?"

"Care to explain why there's a diaper bag and changing table in the bathroom?"

_Shit_, is the only thing that comes to her mind. She tries to come up with an explanation, but it's all moot within seconds when she hears the key in the front door.

"Hey, Regina, I'm back," a voice calls out from the foyer.

"Emma?" Cora and Henry both ask when they recognize the voice.

"Oh, shit," Emma says when she sees them, stunned into silence as four pairs of eyes quickly move from her to the infant in her arms. The infant who chooses that exact moment to begin wailing.

"I'll take him," Regina offers, reflexively rushing over to him.

"That's okay. I've got him," Emma says, her eyes widening as she glares at the brunette.

"I texted you," Regina mumbles, letting her hands drop to her sides since she won't be using the baby as an excuse to avoid what she knows is about to happen.

"I left my phone here," Emma comments. "Excuse me," she says, not meeting the eyes of the two people who have become surrogate parents to her as she quickly rushes from the room.

When Regina turns back around, she's faced with steely glares. "Something to share, dear?" Cora asks.

"Emma has a son. He's eight months old. She moved in here about a year ago when she moved out of campus housing at the end of the year. I told her she could stay here so that I could try to help her out," Regina verbally spews out, confessing everything.

"What about college?" Henry asks.

"She's still taking classes. She had to drop her course load a bit, but she's been able to take night classes for the most part so that I can watch him while she's in class. She can't have him in campus housing, though, and couldn't afford an apartment on her own, so…"

"Honey, that's not your job," Henry says.

"I know it's not. But I promised her I'd be there for her, and we're making it work."

"But your studies…" Cora says.

"Are going just fine," Regina interrupts. "Emma was adamant that she didn't want to be a burden or get in the way, and she's not. We have a system and it's working. This way she doesn't have to worry about rent and she can use the money her parents left her to pay for classes and save up, and she doesn't have to leave her son with some random babysitter all the time. If anything, it's probably making me a better student, because all I do is study. If he weren't here, I'd be more likely to be going out with everyone else all the time and not studying nearly as much…"

"Sorry about that," Emma interrupts, coming back into the room. "He just needed changing."

"Emma," Cora starts, and immediately Regina tenses. She knows how nervous Emma has been about telling them about her son, which is why she had been putting it off and why she had created an excuse about visiting a friend out of state to avoid going back to Storybrooke for Christmas.

"Please don't be mad at Regina," Emma says. "I'm the one who messed up. Be mad at me."

"Emma," Henry says softly. "We're not mad at either of you. We're just a little shocked since neither of you told us anything."

"Oh," Emma says, an audible sigh of relief filling the space between them. "Sorry. I've been a little preoccupied, and I was afraid you would hate me."

"We could never hate you, Emma," Henry reassures her. "So, can we officially meet this little fella?"

"Of course," she says, sharing a small smile with Regina. "Henry, Cora...meet Henry."

Regina swears that at that moment, she sees her father's heart turn to mush.

* * *

**December 22, 2019**

"Zelena called. She said they're leaving Granny's now, so they'll be back with dinner in a few minutes," Cora says to Regina, as she places their empty teacups in the sink. The tea had been pleasant but awkward as they both tried to ignore the fact that Cora knew surprisingly little about Regina's life the past three years — for which Regina will admit she is fully to blame — and as they tried to avoid the many sensitive subjects that were bubbling below the surface.

"Sounds good," she replies, her eyes cutting over to follow the flash of blonde she sees walking by the door to the laundry room. "Mother," she begins, lowering her voice and finally addressing the slim, blonde elephant in the room. "Why is _she_ here?"

"She volunteered to help me take care of some things around the house, amidst everything going on," Cora says.

"I see," Regina states, chewing on the inside of her lip.

"That can't be all that surprising, dear. You must know that she's been a constant presence since she moved back here."

"Excuse me," Regina says, exiting the kitchen and disappearing down the hall to where she assumes the woman went. Indeed, she finds her in the study off the front hall — her father's study— and she's not pleased.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Regina asks as she crosses into the room. She tries not to notice her father's newspapers on the desk, but if she did, she would find the Sunday _Times_ crossword puzzle from two weeks earlier half-completed underneath a few closed notebooks.

The blonde going through the wall of bookcases jumps, startled by the interruption. "I volunteered to help your mother. She knew he had some important documents in here – bills and passwords to financial accounts and the like – but she couldn't bring herself to dig through it, so I offered to take care of it to make sure nothing gets overlooked."

Regina snatches a notebook from Emma's hand. "That's not your job. These are private, family documents."

Regina sees the pain that crosses the blonde's face at her declarative statement, but she doesn't let it bother her. She's inflicted so much pain upon this woman over the past three years, so what's a little more?

"Well," Emma says, brushing her hands on the sides of her hips. "Then by all means, have at it," she says, walking past the other woman to leave her behind.

"Emma," Regina says, realizing it's only the second time she's said the woman's name since she arrived. It's not getting any easier, and still tastes foreign on her tongue. It's incredible how so much can change in such a short amount of time, a few bad choices undoing more than a quarter century of friendship.

"What," Emma says, more of a statement of frustration than a question, turning to face the brunette.

Regina takes a deep breath, knowing that she has no right to ask what she's about to, and yet she does it anyway. "Can you please not be here? Just let me have the next two days. Please."

"No," Emma says, not even considering the request. "Henry was like another father to me. He's _my_ Henry's namesake. I'm not going to miss the opportunity to pay my respects to him just because it would make you more comfortable if I wasn't here. And your mother wants me here, just like _I_ have been for the past three years. We can be civilized adults about this. Or at least I can be."

"Where is Henry?" Regina asks, feeling even more guilty for not asking about him sooner. She misses him more than she can possibly express, and part of her intentionally avoids thinking about him because it's far too painful. He's another painful reminder of how she ruined her life.

"Ashley's watching him this afternoon. He'll be there tomorrow. Goodbye, Regina. I'll see you at the funeral."

* * *

**_December 2012_**

"Is he okay?" Emma asks as she rushes in the back door. She had been in a three hour long final exam and had only seen Regina's four missed calls, two voicemails, and fifteen texts when she had left the exam room and turned her phone back on. "Where is he?"

"He's fine," Regina reassures her. "He's asleep in his crib. They said it seems to be a pretty bad ear infection, which is why he wouldn't stop crying and why he had such a high fever. They gave him some pain medication and started him on antibiotics."

"Oh, good. Does he still have a fever?"

"Yeah, but it's come down quite a bit. They gave him an IV while we were there and they were checking him out, so that helped a little bit too."

"Oh, thank God. Thank you, Regina."

"Of course," she says quickly, her own heart rate still not returning to normal. "Not gonna lie though, I was terrified."

"He's okay, and you did the right thing. You're so good with him, Regina," she says, pulling in the other woman into a hug. "You're amazing," she says softly into Regina's ear.

It's then that Regina finally breaks down, the exhaustion and stress from the past few hours hitting her.

"Shhhh," Emma says, holding her tighter. "He's okay."

"It's not just that," she says, pulling out of the embrace. "It was a nightmare logistically at urgent care."

"What do you mean?"

"There were a ton of problems since I'm not his mother or legal guardian. They didn't want to tell me anything since they couldn't reach you to verify that I was who I said I was. They finally would after I gave them all of your information and since everything I said matched up with his medical records and your medical records from his birth. They also don't accept Medicaid, so there's going to be a hefty bill coming here in a few weeks."

"Oh," Emma says, deflating. "I thought we made you his legal guardian?"

She shakes her head. "That's different. That was just in case something happens to you. I spoke to my friend in family law. She suggested appointing me legally as a caregiver, which lets me make medical and educational decisions."

"Oh. Then yes, let's definitely do that."

"She already emailed me the paperwork."

"Good."

"But it's not just that…me being able to take him to the doctor is only part of it. That wouldn't give him the ability to use my insurance, which is much better than Medicaid."

"Okay…?" Emma looks at her, confusion on her face.

"But, if we got married—"

"Wait, what?" Emma asks, her jaw dropping open. "Married?"

"I know it sounds crazy…"

"You think?!"

"Just hear me out."

"Regina…"

"Emma, I'm serious."

The blonde looks doubtful, but she keeps her mouth shut and nods at Regina to continue.

"We've already been living together for two and a half years now. You know I love you and Henry more than life itself and I would do anything for you both. We're both single, and I'm focused on my career right now and have no interest in getting married anytime soon. So why not? You guys could both be on my insurance that way. We can always get a divorce later, once you're done with your degree and have a steady job and insurance and Henry is a little older."

"Isn't that fraud?"

"Only if we get caught. Which we won't. People won't have any reason to doubt us, given our history and the fact that I've been helping you with Henry, even before he was born. We just have to come up with a story about how we fell for each other, and no one will bat an eye."

"So, literally, friends with benefits."

"Exactly," Regina confirms.

"This is insane."

"It is. But it also makes a lot of sense."

"Fine. Okay. Your parents are going to kill us, though. You do realize that, right?"

"I do," Regina says, laughing as she realizes the two words she just said. "But it's fine. We obviously can't tell them the truth given that my mom is a lawyer and my dad works for the government, but I'm sure they're not stupid and will figure it out. But, hopefully they'll buy the story that we realized we had been harboring secret feelings for each other for a decade. They just might believe it, considering I haven't dated anyone in the last four years."

"Okay, so when do we do this?"

"I don't know…we could elope this weekend, if you want?"

"This is crazy, but why the hell not?"

* * *

**December 23, 2019**

This is hands-down the hardest day of her life. The service was beautiful, it was everything her father would have wanted, which only makes her miss him even more.

"What are you doing here?" Regina asks, the annoyance evident in her voice. She just wants to be left alone to wallow for a bit.

"I realized where you were heading and I wanted to make sure you're okay," Emma offers, sitting down on the ground across from the burial plot where Henry Mills now rests.

"Of course I'm not okay, Emma," Regina snaps. She can't stop the words from spewing forth, letting everything that she's been suppressing finally rise to the surface. "My father is dead. And you're fucking everywhere here. Hell, you've been closer to my parents than I have been, and I missed out on the last three years of my father's life because I selfishly couldn't bear the thought of having to see you again. I hate that I'm jealous of you for that. I never thought…" she pauses to choke on a sob. "I never thought that he would be gone so soon. That I wouldn't have a chance to say goodbye. He wasn't even sick…"

Emma listens as Regina continues her emotional outpouring, holding back her own tears and fighting against the cold temperatures without her jacket, wanting to be strong for her ex-wife, her former best friend of two decades. She watches Regina closely, but the brunette is staring at the ground as she continues revealing three years' worth of self-loathing and guilt.

"I fucked everything up," Regina concludes, taking a break to catch her breath.

"Yeah, you did," Emma sighs in agreement. She has moved on, but seeing Regina again has certainly reopened old wounds. But, she pushes that aside and pulls Regina into a hug as the woman sobs against her chest.

Regina isn't sure how long they stay in that position, but they do until her sobs stop and she wipes her eyes. She pushes herself off of Emma and smiles shyly. "Thanks," she says quietly, almost embarrassed. "I shouldn't be burdening you with all my problems. That's not your job anymore," Regina says, pushing herself off the ground to stand up, starting to walk back toward the front gate of the cemetery.

"You know, there was a time when your problems were my problems, Regina," Emma says, jogging a few steps to catch up to the brunette as they walk back down the street. It's then that Emma notices that Regina is walking toward Granny's, not toward the Mills' house.

"Yeah, but we're not like that anymore. It's not your responsibility to make me feel better. Especially not about this."

"Maybe, but we were best friends, Regina. Even though we're not married anymore, I'd like to think that we could still be friends."

"You want to be friends with me?" Regina stops walking and turns to the blonde, incredulous. "After what I did?"

"You made a mistake, Regina, but you're not a terrible person."

Somehow, Regina has a hard time believing that.

* * *

**_October 2016_**

Regina twists the ring on her finger as she waits for the oven to beep, anxiously going over what to say to her wife when she comes home from her work trip. Emma had been apprenticing with a private investigator, and she had been on her first full-weekend stakeout — a trip to Atlantic City to try to catch a cheating spouse with a penchant for gambling in the act. _Oh, the irony_, Regina thinks to herself, taking a deep breath when she sees the headlights of the VW beetle shine through the front window to park in the driveway.

"Honey, I'm home," Emma announces with a laugh as she walks through the front door.

"I'm in the kitchen," Regina calls unnecessary.

"It smells amazing in here," the blonde comments as she comes over to give Regina a kiss. The brunette turns her head slightly, so she catches the corner of her mouth instead of her lips, causing Emma to frown.

The oven beeps and Regina smiles. "The chicken Kiev's ready," she says. As she bends down to remove it from the oven, she asks, "How was work?" She wants to buy herself time, because she's not ready to have the conversation she's spent the past 36 hours dreading, because she knows this will be it. She's done something unforgiveable.

"It was great!" Emma smiles, grabbing a beer and the salad Regina had made earlier out of the fridge.

***.*.***

"You're awfully quiet," Emma comments as she takes another bite of her dinner.

Regina nods absentmindedly, poking a pea with the tine of her fork. "Emma, I…"

"What?"

The blonde looks so concerned, and Regina can't help but try to memorize that look of love in the green eyes staring back at her. She knows she won't see it ever again.

"You never told me how your case went," Emma says. "I was so busy telling you about my weekend I completely forgot to ask about yours. I know you were stressed about it."

This is it. This is her window to confess and lay it all out on the table. To tell her wife that while she was out of town having an exciting new start to her new career and while her son was away for a long weekend with his de facto grandparents, she invited her college boyfriend turned colleague over to work on the new acquisition they were drafting for their firm. And that during that long night of working, they had started reminiscing about college and how happy they had been before they broke up when he went abroad for a year. And that that reminiscing had led to one too many drinks which then led to some very bad decisions on Regina's part that she would give anything to undo.

***.*.***

Regina looks across the table at her heartbroken wife, tears running down both of their cheeks.

"I gave you an out two years ago," Emma says, struggling to speak. "I found my footing and didn't need your money or benefits anymore. I told you that we could end this and didn't have to pretend anymore, that we could just go back to being platonic best friends. You said you didn't want this to end. That you had fallen in love with me. I made you promise that if we stayed married, then we were married for real. I only wanted to stay married if we were both all-in. You swore to me that you were."

"I know," she says tearfully.

"We renewed our fucking vows, Regina. Your promised that you loved me and that this was real."

"It was. It is."

Emma's sadness turns to anger at those empty words. "Then how could you do this? How could you throw this all away?"

"I'm so sorry, Emma. I love you. I don't know what I was thinking. I didn't intend for this to happen."

"Well, it did. I hope that night with him was worth it. I'll be gone by morning," she says, pushing her chair away from the table.

"No, Emma. Please. Let's talk. We can work through this."

"No, Regina, we can't," Emma turns around, glaring at her wife. "You know that this is the one thing that I can't forgive."

Regina does know that. She had been there to watch Emma's world shatter when her father cheated on her mother repeatedly when they were growing up, and she had seen the lasting impact of his actions on both Emma's mother and Emma. Emma's mother had finally kicked him out for good when Emma was in eighth grade, and things were finally getting back to a good, healthy place when her mother remarried Emma's sophomore year of high school. But then, that all ended tragically too soon in the car accident a few years later.

"I'll stay at Belle's tonight," Emma says, grabbing her dufflebag that she had left by the door when she returned home that night from her work trip. "I'll come by in the morning at 9am to pack my stuff while you're in court. By the time you get back, I'll be halfway to Maine to go get _my_ son. Thank God we never officially filed the adoption papers. I don't ever want to see you again, and don't even think about trying to see Henry."

Regina watches, unable to speak, as the blonde turns around and walks out of their house and out of her life, slamming the door behind her. It would be the last time she saw her for three years.

* * *

**December 23, 2019**

"I made a mistake? That's an understatement," Regina says under her breath.

"If you were married to someone else and had cheated on them," Emma says, causing Regina to cringe when she hears Emma say it out loud, even though it's true. Emma doesn't notice Regina's reaction and carries on, "I would have still been your friend. It wouldn't have made me care about you any less."

"But I wasn't married to someone else," she says. "I was married to you. I cheated on _you_, not someone else. There's a huge difference."

"True. But, it's hard to completely throw away 25 years of friendship over one night of bad decisions. If I'm honest with myself, I miss having you in my life. You knew me better than anyone," Emma confesses. "You hurt me so much, but I miss you just as much."

Regina sighs as they approach the front door of the diner. "I'm sorry I fucked it up," Regina says as she walks inside, Emma following behind her.

Regina slides into a booth, and a new server Regina doesn't recognize immediately brings over a pot of coffee and some menus. She realizes that Granny and Ruby are at her house at the funeral reception, so they must have left the diner in the hands of some random person who didn't know her father well enough to attend.

"Your usual, Emma?" The young man asks.

"Yeah, thanks, Jack."

"And for you?" he asks, turning to Regina.

"Just the coffee is fine," she says. "I'm not in the mood to eat," she says quietly to Emma as the waiter walks away.

"You should eat something, Regina. You haven't eaten all day."

"Well I've been a little preoccupied."

Emma drops it, knowing better than to start an argument over this. They have much bigger fish to fry.

They sit in silence, Regina pretending to read the table tentcard with the dessert specials of the month listed on it. She's relieved when the waiter finally brings out a grilled cheese and fries for Emma and a fresh pot of coffee to set on the table.

They continue to sit in silence as they drink, and Emma nudges her plate a little more toward the center of the table, smiling when Regina steals a fry from it. "I'm sorry I asked you not to come to the funeral," Regina says at last. "I know you were close with him, and it was unfair of me to ask you that. I'm glad you were there."

Emma smiles sadly. "I'm glad I was, too."

* * *

**_December 2016_**

"Regina?" a voice tentatively asks, knocking softly on the door to her office that's slightly ajar.

"Yes, Sidney?" she asks, not looking up from the file in front of her.

"The courier service just delivered this. I figured it may be important," he says, approaching her desk.

She looks up and takes the large, white document envelope, recognizing the "Mills & Dragan" return address logo on the front. She furrows her brows in confusion slightly, taking it from the man and thanking him.

She opens it and can't help but cry when she sees the papers inside. She quickly skims the document, seeing that Emma has asked for nothing in the divorce. There's a letter requesting her response, signed by Mal Dragan, and Regina sighs a little bit in relief for that. Part of her thought that her mother might be Emma's attorney, despite the conflict of interest. Cora and Henry had torn into Regina for what she had done, upon finding out from Emma when the blonde arrived back in Storybrooke to pick up Henry from his weekend with the Mills a few months earlier. Emma had never come back to Boston after that. Regina had found out from her father that Emma had gotten a job with the sheriff's office in Storybrooke and was living in a small apartment on Main Street.

Knowing that there isn't a chance for reconciliation, and not wanting to cause the blonde any additional heartache, she signs her name on the indicated lines and places the documents into the already-addressed and stamped envelope. As she leaves her office that night, she drops it in the outgoing mail slot, thankful that she's the last to leave the office and no one is there to see the tears streaming down her face.

* * *

**December 23, 2019 **

Regina stumbles downstairs later that night to find her mom staring off into space as she cradles a teacup in her hands. "Mom? You're still up?" she asks as she pours herself some decaf tea from the teapot. "It's almost midnight. Are you okay?"

"What? Oh, I'm fine dear," she tries to smile, but Regina can see right through it, noticing how forced it is.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Come sit," Cora demands, patting the seat next to her in the breakfast nook. Regina immediately obeys. "Did you an Emma have a chance to talk?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't think I didn't notice you sneaking off earlier tonight, or that she followed you. I didn't mention it earlier when you came back, because I wanted to give you time."

"Oh," she says.

"Are things all right between you?"

Regina shrugs. "We figured out we can be civil, or at least try to be. I don't know if I'd say much more beyond that. She wants to be friends, but I don't know if I see that happening."

"Why not?"

"Because, Mom, I hurt her more than I could have ever imagined hurting another person."

"You have to forgive yourself, Regina. It sounds like she has."

"I highly doubt that. You know as well as anyone that this wasn't something she could forgive. I don't deserve her forgiveness, anyway."

"Well, even if she hasn't, or even if she never does, you were best friends for most of your lives. Don't throw that away."

"It's too late for that. I already did. There's no coming back from that, from what I did."

"Regina, life is short. She's clearly open to letting you back into her life as a friend, so what's the problem?"

"Every time I look at her I'm reminded of what I did. I hate myself for it. I did the one thing that I knew would hurt her the most, but I did it anyway."

"Why did you?" Cora asks.

"What?" Regina is surprised by the question, and even more surprised by the genuine curiosity in her mother's voice and the noticeable lack of judgment. No one has asked her that. Not even Emma.

"If you knew that, which you obviously did, why did you do it? It's not like you were having an affair and in love with the man. Not that that would be a better excuse, but it would have at least been a little more understandable if you threw what you had away because you fell in love with someone else."

Regina scoffs. "I don't know. I wasn't thinking."

"Regina…"

"What do you want me to say, Mother?" she asks, exasperated. "I fucked it up. I had something great in my life, and I ruined it. I was drunk, and stupid, and Daniel was there, and we were reminiscing about college when things were so easy. I wish I had a reason."

"What does your therapist think?"

Regina shoots a glare at her mother, but relents. "He thinks it was self-sabotage, but he hasn't uncovered the reason behind my self-destructive tendencies. Or if he has, he hasn't told me what it is. And that's why I can't be friends with her. There is literally no explanation for why I did what I did, beyond a lapse in judgment, and so I can't guarantee I won't do something that stupid again."

"You make it sound like you're looking for more than friendship, if you're worried about hurting her in that way again."

Regina pauses, considering it. "That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

Regina thinks. "I don't know how to go back to justbeing her friend."

"You're not over her," Cora states, no judgment in her voice. "You still love her."

"Of course I do. I never stopped."

* * *

**December 24, 2019**

"My mother says I need closure," Regina says, rolling her eyes into her glass of scotch as she leans against the wall next to the snack tray that Emma is currently raiding.

"What?" the blonde looks up, a cube of cheddar dangling from the toothpick she stabbed it with.

"She said that I need closure, as if the divorce papers didn't provide that in clear black and white terms. Apparently, losing my father has made her the queen of all things relationship philosophy."

"Oh," Emma says, the cube of cheese falling from her toothpick onto her plate below. This is an unexpected line of conversation. "Okay…I don't know what to say to that."

"Yeah, me either."

"Regina," Emma starts. "What's going on?"

She looks over to Emma and meets her eyes for the first time all night. They're at Granny's for the annual Storybrooke Christmas Eve dinner and Secret Santa gift exchange, and the jukebox behind Emma is playing Bing Crosby's "I'll Be Home for Christmas," creating the perfect holiday atmosphere for all of Storybrooke's residents.

"Nothing," she answers. "Nevermind," she pushes herself off the wall and heads back toward the center of the room, sliding into the booth next to her sister and putting on a smile for her niece, while a confused Emma watches from behind.

"Mom!" Henry yells, grabbing Emma's attention, and the attention of everyone in the room. "It's time for presents."

"Sounds good, kid. I'll meet you over there," Emma responds.

Regina tries not to glance over at what she could have had if she hadn't been so careless. Henry has been so resilient, but barely sparing much attention to Regina, as he had barely turned six when Emma moved back to Storybrooke. He doesn't seem to remember a whole lot about his life in Boston, about Regina, and that breaks her heart. But, she supposes it's for the best.

After all the presents have been opened, Emma manages to corner Regina in the hallway as she waits in line for the bathroom. "Regina, can we talk later tonight?" Emma asks.

"I'm not sure that's the best idea, Emma."

"Please. Henry will be in bed by 9:30, and I'll start putting out the Santa gifts around 11. I don't know what time you were planning to go to bed, so you can come right at 9:30, or if you want to help with the gifts, you can swing by later."

"Fine."

"Great. I'll see you then."

***.*.***

It's a little after ten thirty that night when Regina finds herself standing outside the door of Emma's loft. She had texted her ex to let her know she was there, not wanting to knock on the door and disturb Henry. She imagines that since it's Christmas Eve, he probably is going to be too anxious to sleep. She doesn't want to keep him awake.

"Come on in," Emma says as she opens the door.

Regina can't help but appraise her as she walks in. She's changed into some loose grey sweatpants and a light blue long sleeve shirt, and Regina can't help but notice that she doesn't seem to be wearing a bra.

"I'm not going to lie. I thought you wouldn't show up."

Regina says nothing but nods. She gave serious thought to not showing up. But, she owes it to Emma.

"I'm making hot chocolate," Emma says when Regina still hasn't said anything.

"Thanks," she says as the blonde hands her a mug. "With cinnamon, of course," Regina muses as she tastes the drink.

"Always," Emma smiles.

"So…what did you want to talk about, exactly?" Regina asks, hoping that Emma will take the lead. It's been a weird few days, and she can't fully organize her own thoughts, between processing her father's unexpected passing and seeing her ex-wife for the first time in years. She knows that she misses the woman in front of her terribly, but she's not sure how to convey three years' worth of guilt, pain, and self-directed anger.

Emma looks a bit shy herself suddenly, as though she hasn't fully thought through what would happen if Regina actually showed up. "I miss you," she says at last. It's not the first time she's made the confession since Regina arrived in Storybrooke again, but this time it's more guarded, lacking the confidence that Emma usually has.

It breaks Regina's heart all over again.

"I miss you, too," Regina says. "More than you could possibly know."

Emma smiles sadly at that, a look of relief appearing on her face for just a moment, causing Regina to wonder if Emma truly didn't realize that Regina really did miss her. But she quickly dismisses that thought — Emma had to have known. After all they had been through together, she couldn't possibly think Regina wouldn't have an Emma-sized hole in her heart.

But then again, Regina did an unforgiveable, stupid thing and threw it all away.

* * *

**December 25, 2019**

Regina wakes up the next morning, alarmed by the sudden screaming she hears.

"SANTA CAME!"

As her heart rate slowly returns to a normal speed, she finds her bearings as she looks around the unfamiliar place.

_Right. Emma's loft_.

It comes back to her as she hears the groan next to her, looking over at her ex-wife who is slowly sitting up. "Hey," the blonde grumbles, and Regina smiles to herself that Emma is still not a morning person. _Some things never change._

"Hey," Regina says back, preparing herself just in time for the 60 pounds of an overeager nine year old to come barreling toward the bed.

Henry launches himself at them, giving Regina a curious look before turning to his mother and encouraging her to get up. Emma tells him to go back into the living room and start arranging the gifts in the order he wants to open them, while she and Regina will get some hot chocolate started. Like a flash of lightning, he's gone as quickly as he came, rushing back out to the main area of the loft.

"Sorry," Emma apologizes unnecessarily.

"It's nice to see him so excited," Regina says. The past few days have been extra hard on her. He was only six when Emma left, so she has missed out on so much — seeing him has made her regret not fighting for him, even though she had no legal claim to him. She never officially adopted him, had only filed the paperwork to legally be able to make decisions on Emma's behalf, as they went into their marriage knowing it was temporary. Regina also didn't want to stand in the way of a future adoption, should Emma fall in love and get married for real later in life. When they had changed their minds a few years in and realized that they were truly in love with one another, they had discussed a formal adoption. But, they hadn't had a chance to do so, and then it was too late. Emma would never have agreed to it after Regina's mistake.

"Hey," Emma says, pulling Regina out of her memories and utter regret.

"Hey," Regina says again, the awkwardness of the previous night returning.

"Do you want to stay for a bit?"

Regina sighs and smiles. "I would love to. Let me text my mother, though, and let her know. She's probably worried sick."

"Sure. I'm going to go get started on that hot chocolate," Emma says, forcing herself out of bed. "Do you want anything specific for breakfast?"

She shakes her head. "No…I should probably not stay too long, since my mom and Zelena are planning their annual pancake breakfast later."

"Oh, that's right," she says. "Your mom invited me and Henry to that."

"Oh? Are you going?"

"I declined. I figured you probably wouldn't want me encroaching on your Christmas morning."

"I wouldn't have if you asked me two days ago, or even yesterday. But I hope that after last night and clearing the air, that you know you're always welcome there. I know how important you are to my mother, and with everything that's happened, I don't want her to lose that."

Emma smiles. "Well, if you don't think she'd mind some unexpected guests, then sure. I'm sure Henry will love it. He had a blast last year with Robyn," she says. "Alright, I'm going to go get started on that hot chocolate. I'll see you out there."

Regina smiles as she watches the woman walk out into the kitchen. She reaches over and grabs her own phone from where it rests on the nightstand, laughing when she sees the 10 unread text messages from her mother, starting with _'what time can I expect you back?' _to the final text of _'I assume Emma either murdered you, or that you're having a very nice night. I won't bother keeping the door unlocked. See you tomorrow if you come up for air.'_

She quickly fires off a reply, a simple _'It's not like that. Henry's new bike took far too long to put together and I was too tired to drive back. Going to stay here for a bit for presents and then will be over.'_

The response is nearly immediate. _'I hope it went well, then. It sounds like it. Take your time – no rush. The pancakes will be ready at 10, but they'll keep.'_

***.*.***

"Emma, Henry! What a lovely surprise," Cora says, giving Regina a knowing look as they walk into the Mills house a little later that morning.

"Don't start," Regina says quietly as Henry barrels through the door looking for Robyn so he can show her one of his new video games.

"I didn't say anything, dear," Cora smiles, kissing her daughter on the cheek as she comes inside and takes off her snowy boots.

"Sorry to drop in unexpectedly after I said we wouldn't come," Emma says as she removes her coat.

"Oh please, Emma, you know you and Henry are always welcome here. There's plenty to go around," the older woman smiles as she gestures for the pair to follow her into the kitchen, and then directing them to grab a plate and start loading up as she announces to Zelena and Chad that brunch is ready.

"So, you two are looking cozy," Zelena says quietly to Regina as she sprays some whipped cream onto her plate. "What's going on there?"

"Nothing," Regina rolls her eyes.

"Come on, sis, tell me. I know you didn't come home last night. Making up for lost time?"

"We stayed up late preparing gifts. That's all. And we talked. It got late, I was tired, so I crashed there."

"Nothing more?"

She shakes her head. "Nothing more…at least for now. Things are maybe getting back to a somewhat better place. At this point, I just want my best friend back, you know?"

"I know," Zelena says, knowing that the past few years have been terribly challenging for her sister. "I hope you get what you're looking for."

"Me, too."

* * *

**Epilogue: December 24, 2020**

"We each get to open one present tonight, right?" Henry asks as he looks between his mom, Regina, and Cora as he sits on the floor of Cora's living room.

"Yes, Henry," Regina laughs, as he and Robyn rush to pick out which gift they want to open.

"On the count of three!" Robyn says as she slides her finger under the edge of the wrapping paper of her selected present. "One, two, three!"

There's wrapping paper everywhere. It's only one gift each, yet somehow they manage to make a huge mess.

"Well, that was exciting," Emma comments as she tries to compile the discarded paper into a pile before collapsing back onto the couch.

"Indeed," Regina confirms. "But, there's still one more to go."

"What?"

"Here," she says, reaching under the tree and picking up a four-inch square box. "Open it."

"I thought only the kids opened presents on Christmas Eve?"

"Yeah, well, you're kind of like a giant kid yourself sometimes," Regina laughs, leaning up to kiss Emma quickly before pulling away and pushing the gift toward her. "Seriously, open it," she says, resting against Emma's legs as she sits on the floor between the couch and the coffee table.

"Okay…" the blonde says as she tears off the paper and tosses it aside.

It's a non-descript white box, one that would be used to send any number of random things in the mail. As she opens it, Regina turns around fully to kneel next to her on the floor by the couch.

"Oh my God," Emma's breath is caught in her throat as she pulls out a small jewelry box. "Regina…"

"Emma," Regina interrupts as Emma looks at her, the surprise evident on her face. She gingerly takes the small navy box from Emma's hand. "I'm not going to make a huge, drawn-out speech, because we've known each other our entire lives, for better and for worse. We've gone through so much over the past few years, that anything I say now wouldn't come close to conveying how I feel about you or how important you are to me. This past year has had its challenges, but it's felt so right having you back in my life again, getting to be part of Henry's life again, and falling in love with you all over again. I can't imagine spending another day without you officially by my side. So, Emma, will you marry me? Again?"

She bites her lips as she waits for a response, the green eyes staring back at her quickly filling with tears as she nods her head, almost imperceptibly, before she answers with an emphatic: "Hell yes."

* * *

**A/N:** Thanks for reading! Although they aren't always the most popular fics, I've always enjoyed divorced lesbian mommies fics and wanted to take a stab at it, but with a few twists. I hope you enjoyed, and I hope you have a wonderful holiday season!


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